


Just One Touch

by grizzzam (bottomkaspbrak)



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Grizz character study but not yet, M/M, Sam Character Study, Secret Relationship, Smut-ish, WALLS WALLS FOR DAYYYYYYS, but not too much, gays and sex and feelings, im gonna focus on Grizz too, it goes a little deep, jk a lot, just a lot of feelings, just read it, kinda? idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-07-31 09:35:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20112973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottomkaspbrak/pseuds/grizzzam
Summary: Feelings, miscommunication, gays, growing up, relationships, handcuffs... I mean what else do you want?





	1. It Kinda Hurts

Touch had always been such a strange concept to Sam, yet now the feeling of Grizz’s warm hands roaming down his back and over his bare skin was enough to make Sam melt under his touch. Also, very literally under him. He always enjoyed being under the boy, nails digging into the pale skin on Grizz’s shoulders as he pulled him down, even closer to him. It was hot, like, really hot. Kind of unbelievable how good Grizz’s lips felt under his ear, on his skin. Warm and wet, caring but hungry, filled with want and desire. Desire for Sam, to get even closer to him even though it didn’t feel humanly possible. He had his knees close to his chest in a position that could have only been described as obscene, a loud moan escaping Sam’s lips in return. He could feel the shit-eating grin growing on Grizz’s face pressed against his neck as he sunk down into Sam once again, slowly picking up his pace. Sam knew Grizz was close, he could tell because he was pressing his forehead against Sam’s skin instead of his lips. Just like Sam could tell by the way he scrunched up his nose that Grizz’s coffee was too hot or someone in the room had lied. He knew all these things because Sam was a looker, maybe someone else in his situation wouldn't have noticed as quickly but Sam had a special affinity for differentiating routine and changes. The more sudden changes the better. And as much as he prided himself on his exceptionally perceptive skills, he was sure even Clark, the dumbest person he had ever met, could have told something was off. Grizz wasn’t looking at him this time, or the past two times they’d caught themselves in this situation. If you thought avoiding someone’s gaze while you let them cum down your throat inside a bathroom stall was difficult then try to picture it while they are riding your dick in the driver’s seat of your car, with the backrest still up. Sam couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was but something was off, definitely off. Because Grizz doesn't look at him until they have both finished and are cleaned up and Sam is starting to think either Grizz has developed a bizarre case of ocd since they’ve started seeing each other, or he had been staring at Sam for so long beforehand that now that he had him he was tired of it. Whatever the reason was, it bugged Sam. Every single moment of the day he spent with Grizz he could feel the boy’s stare, burning in the back of his neck. But the second their clothes were coming off it was like he went into another setting. Another thing Sam noticed was Grizz was way more gentle than before, almost like he was thinking of something and he couldn’t get it out of his head. He seemed reluctant to an extent, and Sam cared. He cared way more than he left himself show. 

Now they were seemingly done, all cleaned up, and silence fell in the small bedroom. It was thick, the air. Maybe because they were out of breath but he could see the way Grizz’s eyes seemed to focus on his hands, nervous. Sam knew things had changed, he knew they started seeing each other way more often than before, he knew he didn’t feel as vulnerable as before when he took his clothes off in front of Grizz. A lot had changed but he thought it had changed for the better. Three months of hiding in plain sight had to have positive outcomes. But now he wasn’t so sure. 

“What are you, scared I’m gonna be spooked by your orgasm face that you can’t even look at me in the eye?” He chuckled, finding himself comfortable in the joke. Jokes were fine, jokes hid him pretty well. They hid his feelings pretty well too, he thought. Due to that, Sam thought he was prepared for everything that could be thrown at him, he lived with Campbell after all. But nothing could have ever prepared him for the words that came out of Grizz’s lips that night.

Those three magical words that he would dream of since he figured out which team he played for. He saw them everywhere, in movies, songs, even advertisements. Maybe Sam knew this because he was such a looker. He looked at couples at school, at his parents. Sam looked at the people who didn’t hide anything, the people who didn’t feel judged, the ones who let themselves feel things. Sam had learned not to feel things a long time ago. He had learned the hard way. There was a reason Campbell hadn’t seen him cry since his 6th birthday. Emotions don't let you think straight, you can’t outsmart anyone if you start crying the moment they first push you. There was no way Sam would have gotten to turn seventeen if he hadn’t learned how to avoid his brother seeing him as a target. 

So sex was easy for Sam. Sure at first it took a bit of courage, it hurt sometimes but he had grown to like that. He liked feeling Grizz on top of him, close to him, inside him. Sam liked it rough. He liked feeling out of breath, almost like he was about to explode. He liked the race, chasing his orgasm, making himself feel good. Slowly, over time he figured out he really liked being making Grizz feel good as well. He liked being in control of the situation. It was so damn powerful to feel wanted. And wanted by Grizz, that was the best part. Holy shit it felt so fucking good to have the hottest guy in school between his legs. But the best part by far, was the way Grizz talked to him. Sometimes Sam even found himself blushing, smiling absolutely all the time, and people were starting to notice. That was terrifying. 

“Sam?” He looked at Grizz’s lips with panic in his eyes. He was signing too,  _ fuck _ . Fuck. Fuck. Fuck this. 

“You’re joking...” Sam laughed nervously, feeling his heart stop in his chest. This wasn’t happening. “I mean, what are you even thinking?” 

“I… I mean, I just-“ 

“What are you doing? Seriously, what would you think I was going to say? Where were you going with this? What were you trying to achieve? Truly, what outcome were you expecting?” Sam sighed feeling his chest tighten. He hated that feeling, he hated it so bad he had learned how to push it way far down. So far he wouldn’t have to deal with it for a long time.

“Sam, if you don’t love me back you can just say it but you don’t have to be an asshole about it.” Grizz said dryly and Sam could see the tears running down the boy’s face. 

“No, I’m sorry. I just–“ Sam sighed heavily, now he truly didn't know what to say. Grizz loved him, he had told him right then and there while they were both naked, vulnerable. Sam couldn’t help but feel guilty at seeing Grizz so small. He had never seen him so unsure of himself and it was tearing him apart. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen now…” He was scared, to say the least.

“Do you love me, Sam?” 

Those words fell heavy on Sam’s chest. He covered himself up with the sheets as he looked up at Grizz, maybe he was the one that felt small. What did that even mean to him? What if he loved Grizz? What did that entail? Would they have to stop hiding? For a second Sam pictured them kissing next against his locker at school. It was sweet and soft but Grizz’s lips tasted bitter like coffee and the way he cupped Sam’s face was gentle and warm. People were walking by, some stared, some didn’t, Sam couldn’t care less. He was Grizz’s and Grizz was his. It felt a lot like all the times they spent whole entire nights talking them away. Completely caught up in each other. Those were the moments when Sam felt safe. There was this warm feeling in his chest at the sight of the boy in front of him and he didn’t care about being naked, or how he talked, or that sometimes he couldn’t quite catch what Grizz was saying and just ended up looking at the boy’s lips with want until he got to ask him to say that again. 

Sam didn't know what love felt like because he had never let himself fall for anything or anyone. He loved Becca but he wasn’t in love with her. He didn’t feel the need to kiss her, or tell her how pretty she is, or just watch her fall asleep. 

He felt like that about Grizz and that brought tears to his eyes. 

Now he looked at the boy and he could feel his hand in his, how Grizz was struggling to keep his walls down so that Sam could feel comfortable opening up to him. He didn’t seem mad or upset, besides the tears that silently fell down his face. He just looked sad, maybe a little disappointed. 

“Sam?” he asked once he realized the redhead was finally looking back at him, though now he was crying as well.

“I don’t want to say it back and give myself hope.” He confessed, wiping his face with his freckled wrists. “Even if it gets better now and we stop hiding, it’s only a matter of time until you go off to college in Boston. And I still have another year of high school, here. You know how this place works, I’m gonna be left alone and you’re gonna be off finding yourself and I just–” 

“Stop.” Grizz said probably a bit louder than he should have, despite the fact that Sam couldn’t hear it, he could definitely tell. “So you love me, you just don’t want to say it?”

“I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” He could see it in Grizz’s eyes. The way he ached to get mad at Sam, to cry and scream and throw a fit about the fact that the boy he had let himself fall in love with didn’t love him back. But he couldn’t because Sam  _ did _ love him, he was just too scared to stop thinking and let himself go. 

Of getting too attached to you.

Of letting you down.

Of not being able to deal with the fact that we have an expiration date.

Sam didn’t reply. He couldn’t push himself to do it. He just looked at Grizz with pain in his eyes hoping that somehow he would read his mind and understand what he wanted to tell him. 

“Umm, I think you should go…” Grizz whispered feeling the heaviness in his chest worsening. He could barely look up at Sam without breaking down. “Please, I want to be alone…” 

And so with his heart shattered and a huge feeling of guilt in his chest, Sam slowly gathered his clothes, trying not to cry while putting them on. It clearly wasn’t working. 

These were going to be a long two months, longing for summertime.

  
  



	2. Love Poems

It had been two weeks, five days and ten hours since the last time he had touched Sam. The night he found out that the boy he had fallen for was too scared to love him. He was too scared to make it all real, because real meant vulnerable and Grizz had realized “vulnerable” was not a part of Sam’s vocabulary. In fact, watching Sam cry the other day after his confession made it even worse. Because that meant Sam felt comfortable being vulnerable, he just didn’t feel comfortable with being vulnerable with Grizz. Or so did he deduct. He remembered it so clearly, the imminent silence that fell in the room as soon as Grizz opened up his mouth. And the truth was, he didn’t regret it. Grizz had been building up the courage to say it for weeks now. Ever since that night in Sam’s room, door locked behind them as his hands wandered softly down Sam’s naked body, relishing in the warmth of his skin. 

“I think you’d be a great poet.” Sam had said as he absentmindedly played with Grizz’s hair. 

“Poetry doesn’t pay the bills.” Grizz repeated the words his mother had drilled into his head every since he was twelve years old. “Plus, I’ve never been in love…” 

Sam sat up on the bed and looked down at Grizz, running his fingers delicately through the boy’s hair. “You don’t have to be in love to be a poet.” He replied almost logically. 

But Grizz disagreed. He thought poetry was supposed to be about what you ache for, what you can’t live without, and he had longed for love ever since he figured out how pretty boys were. Now he was in a pretty boy’s bed, the prettiest boy, and had a diary full of words about him. Still he couldn’t dare call them poems, Grizz couldn’t call himself a poet. “Yeah I guess…” he replied, looking into Sam’s eyes. 

That night Grizz spent awake, rolling around in his bed, thinking of the pair of blue eyes, writing poems to them, aching for them. His heart stopped for a second and he felt himself needing to take a deep breath, then he saw it, leather covered andresting in his nightstand:

_ Your eyes, brilliant as shop windows  _

_ Or as blazing lamp-stands at public festivals, Insolently use a borrowed power  _

_ Without ever knowing the law of their beauty. Blind, _

Baudelaire must have been talking about Sam too. 

It was Monday now, lunch, and Grizz was staring at the boy from across the room. He was laughing, Sam seemed happy talking to Becca. Of course, Grizz knew that already, they were best friends, he couldn’t help but feel it sting in his chest, though. Because Sam seemed happy without him but Grizz couldn’t even fathom the idea of laughing in his state. He’d even lost his appetite which was extremely rare.  _ ‘This must be what heartbreak feels like’ _ , he thought feeling himself take a deep breath. 

That night he laid in bed once again, staring up at the ceiling, he felt himself getting angry. He was angry at Sam for breaking his heart, for falling apart, for being happy without him. He knew it wasn’t reasonable but self pity held a sweet taste in his mouth. He wanted Sam back, he wanted him close, not far away. So he texted him.

_ U up?  _

No answer. 

_ I’m dying to see you. _

Bootycall, great. Still, no reply.

_ I haven’t touched you in so long… _

Three minutes and the phone buzzed. Oh great, bootycall Grizz was back. Just amazing. 

_ From Sam – I’ll be there in 10. _

Grizz was fucked. He was so fucked. 

The moment Sam stepped into his room, up the tree and through the window, Grizz’s eyes were on him. His hair disheveled, clothes a little shifted to the side like he had been moving a lot. He wanted to be turned on, Grizz wanted to want to rip Sam’s clothes off and make him moan his name, but his heart sunk and all he wanted to do was kiss him softly and hold him close. 

Sam, on the other hand, was all over him. His lips trailing kisses down Grizz’s neck as he pinned him down to the bed. Sam was on top of him, straddling his hips and kissing him passionately on the lips. It didn’t feel like their usual kisses, though. This one was desperate, needing, it felt like Sam had missed him and it was tearing at Grizz’s heartstrings. Grizz usually loved that feeling and he did, he truly did, but there was something sickening about the situation. It didn’t feel okay, not after he’d kick Sam out of his house. 

Not after telling him that he loved him.

“Stop- Stop, please.” Grizz signed to Sam after getting his attention, quickly sitting up on the bed and pulling his shirt back down. “I’m sorry I can’t do this…” 

“Okay…” Sam said slowly. Grizz would have thought that he was disappointed but after taking another look at Sam he could see that sadness in his eyes, regret. “I’m sorry…” Sam sighed, feeling the energy drowning out of his body.

Grizz knew Sam wasn’t talking about that night. 

“I shouldn’t have texted you, it’s my fault I’m sorry. I just- “

“–I miss you too, Grizz.” Sam cut him off knowing exactly what the boy meant. He had been feeling the same way for the past couple of weeks, he just didn’t know what to do about it.

Grizz looked away for a second holding back tears.  _ God, don’t embarrass yourself any longer by crying right now.  _ His hand anxiously kneeling the blanket over his bed. He didn’t want to talk to Sam, he didn’t know what to say. The boy didn’t want him in his eyes, it didn’t matter if he loved him or not because Sam didn’t want to be with him, that’s why he hadn’t said it back. 

Sam stared at the boy feeling the hurt deep in his gut. Grizz didn’t want to talk to him anymore? Sam loved their talks, long and deep and meaningful. They felt worth speaking. “Your poems, are they about me?” He asked, speaking up hoping his voice didn’t quiver. 

Grizz didn’t reply, he sat there like a rock, building up the walls Sam had so expertly torn down. 

“Gareth…” he said softly as he leaned forward to grab the boy’s hand and stop his anxious fidgeting. He calmed Grizz down and felt himself breathe in.  _ Baby steps _ .

“Umm, yeah, some of them…” he replied turning around to face the boy. 

“Can you read me one?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy sorry it took so long to update I just have been very busy lately!   
If you liked it please leave kudos and comment, it’s really motivating to get feedback on my writing!  
And hey if u want to check me out or read some other drabbles and stuff follow me in on tumblr! @grizzzam <3


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